You’re now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: I’M THE ONCE-LER. WANNA BUY THIS THNEED?
Stranger: NO!!!! YOUR KILLING THE TREES! NOW THE BEAR THINGIES HAVE NO PLACE TO LIVE! SHAME ON YOU!
You: THEY’RE CALLED BAR-BE-LOOTS, THANK YOU.
Stranger: Mkay thanks. I was wondering.
You: SWOMEE-SWANS AND HUMMING FISH HAVE NO PLACE IN BUSINESS.
Stranger: Actually they do.
You: HOW BA-A-A-A-A-D CAN I BE? I-M JUST DONI’ WHAT COMES NATURALLY.
Stranger: You seem to like that movie.
Stranger: Just a little.
You: I AM THE STAR OF IT.
Stranger: I see. How lovely.
You: QUITE, NOW WILL YOU BUY THIS THNEED? ONLY $5.98.
Stranger: Wait, youre serious?
You: YES, VERY.
Stranger: Wellllll in that case… no.
You: WEH. BUY MY THNEEEEEEED.
Stranger: WEH. NOOO.
Stranger: Wait, so your the Once-ler?
Stranger: And you just said your the star of the move
You: YES, I AM, AND FINE. I CAN BIGGER WITH ONE LESS COSTUMER.
Stranger: but isnt the one kid the star of the movie?
You: TED? NO, HE’S ONLY IN IT FOR LIKE 30 MINUTES, MY STORY IS THE BIG DEAL.
Stranger: No, I think Ted is the star. Cause he saves the trees and all.
You: NO, HE NEEDS ME TO EVEN GET THE DAMN SEED.
Stranger: Yeah, but without you he wouldnt need the get the seed cause all the trees would still be there.
You: EXACTLY, SO THEN THERE WOULDN’T EVEN BE A MOVIE.
You: SO THEN NO ONE WOULD BE THE STAR, NOT I NOR TED. SO WHAT’S YOUR FUCKING POINT? BUY THIS THNEED.
Stranger: My point is since their would be no movie everything would be all smiles and sunshine in Thneedville and my friend wouldnt have made me go to the movie with her. And no, I will not by that thneed.
You: THNEEDVILLE WOULDN’T BE AROUND WITHOUT ME.
Stranger: So then it would have another name.
You: NOPE. I CREATED IT.
You: YOU’RE NO FUN, YOU’RE OVER THINKING EVERYTHING.
Stranger: Then there would be a place somewhere else.
Stranger: I see your point.
You: FINALLY, KIND SIR. YOU GET A DISCOUT, $5.88. ONLY BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T START EVERYTHING WITH, “ASL?”
Stranger: Make $4.88 and you got yourself a deal.
You: GAH. FINE.
Stranger: Ok. Cool. So when do I get it?
You: WHEN THE TRUFFULA TREES GROW BACK.
Stranger: No. Now.
You: WELP. IT’S UP TO TED, REMEMBER?
Stranger: Usually when you offer to sell someone something you already have it prepared to sell.
You: THEN I GUESS MY BUSINESS IN UNUSUAL.
Stranger: I GUESS IT IS!
Stranger: No. You cant be happy because you dont have my thneed.